Breaking up with my girl/boyfriend?
A good friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend. That made me think about the matter…
We are called as Christians to forgive, to accept the flaws, to support, etc. but how much do we have to do it? Where is the limit? 70 times 7 ? If we keep this way of thinking we are going to marry the first person we date. I don’t have a closed answer either.
I remember when I broke up with my last girlfriend a long time ago. What moved me to do it? First of all I saw she wasn’t someone who share the same point of view about holiness or vocation of mine. I felt that our relationship wasn’t something that would take us both to holiness, it was rather stopping us (I’d say me for sure) from getting there. It hadn’t anything to do with sin it had to do with our vocation in shalom.
Was it “only” that? No. There was the way we connected; or not. At one point I was saw myself complaining I had to call her… that was the point I saw it wans’t working and something had to be done. In my case it was to end it. A relationship with someone is supposed to be something pleasant. We start something because we love someone, of course love isn’t only a good feeling but a decision from the heart. But if there isn’t this feeling in the beginning there won’t be a decision. We have to think we are going to be with that person for our entire lives, so dating is a period of thinking: Can I stand that person for life? Is he/she that different from me? Can we connect? Are we helping or disturbing our way to holiness? Will I be always making a great effort to please that person or this is something natural for me? I believe it is a mystery… in my friend’s case her boyfriend didn’t valued her enough (that’s my opinion) and he was just showing through his actions how it was going to be after their marriage.
At the time I broke up my relationship I was praying about it and the Lord gave me a very particular passage from the Scriptures; while I was thinking about what the others (my friends and family) would say or think because I wasn’t regretting much what I was about to do. The passage said: Weep “one or two days, to prevent gossip; then compose yourself after your grief,” (Ecl 38,18) for me was a big “go ahead” given by the Lord to end it. (The context of the verse is mourning a deceased but it fitted perfectly) Should we forgive? yes! Shaw we not think about this? No. Reflection and prayer, talking and forgiving, thinking about “forever”.
This is a sin of our generation. We never think about something as it’s going to last, we want everything now and it lasts as long as I like it, if I don’t like it anymore I throw away, I change jobs, I block… Virtue is still in the balance. I have to think a relationship as something I start now to last forever but I do need to realize nothing is perfect and what is the time to let go.
God bless our relationships.
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